Nice Stalking To You

a compilation of the worst fanmail ever

The internet has made an unprecedented amount of people "famous", while also providing unrivaled ease of contact.

Here are some results.

All fanmail is real.

Got some bad fanmail to share? Send it to

What are fans saying?

"Best text-only blog I’ve read in bloody ages!"

"Why must you hold up turds and expect us to admire the gleaming surface?"

thanks to Michael Malice for the catchy title
Wed Sep 22

You are part of my girl collection

This letter was submitted by Zoetica Ebb


Have to say for me, it is more a woman’s feet than her shoes. yet shoes do have a strange effect as well some times. am recalling now a pair of tiny shoes—am guessing Asian from the 1920’s or maybe French and connected to the whole Orient rage back then..anyway they were tiny and bluish soft leather straps and high heels or platforms ( not little girls shoes—adult shoes in every way). anyway, i distinctly remember back several years ago at some east side vintage shop almost buying these shoes..i remember going on with the girl in the shop about them etc. but never did buy them! now though thinking about these shoes, i could almost get off. you know?? 

am i clued to the whole magic of women and shoes????

anyway, was fun to stumble upon your mag.

(we “met” several weeks back—you are part of my girl collection (!)..or, i should say, friend list)

Fri Feb 26

an artistic photo shoot

"I’d like to talk to you about an artistic photo shoot….something to shake the whole world.  My work can be viewed on this profile and on: _______________
Are you currently in Los Angeles, and if not when will you be?  
I come highly regarded if you do not know who I am,  everyone on My friend’s list on both profiles can vouche for My work….___________ has even complemented My work with model ___________ (a slave of Mine)  
What I’m planning is the first step in a long process of things set forth to change the entire world…and no, that’s not just some catch line.  
Things like that are best discussed over other means of communication however…
If you are interested…let Me know.
Lord _______
Humble Artist, Lead Production Supervisor of ________, Pioneer.”

Sun Jul 5

This submission is from Princess Poochie


Re: Can I ask you a question

Do you like to have sex wearing heels?

Fri Jul 3

Oh Facebook-Part Two

that’s pretty fucked up of you to post my emails on a “Stalking Board” for all of your friends to see, at least you were “nice” enough not to include my name on there, or did you just forget?

So i’m a stalker for saying 1.) you’re gorgeous and 2.) if youre going to ignore me, reject the friend request so i know for sure? that’s stalking to you? gee, do you think it has anything to do with the fact that im not a 6’7 chest shaving model named Bradd or Toddd? I don’t think you’d call them stalkers for sending you 2 whole emails. I removed the friend request myself, barbie.

Oh Facebook

Message #1- June 25

<no subject>hi gorgeous

Message #2- July 3rd

hi. if youre going to ignore me like i dont exist, do me the favor of rejecting the friend request.

Tue Jun 23

Sexual Vigara

This submission is from the model Nicotine


"You are the most gorgeous girl I have seen on Sorry my profile is a mystery as I have a fiance. I am not a cheater or anything like that but I do appreciate women. Just cause your on a diet doesnt mean you cant look at the menu. Back to you, your face is like a doll from your sweet innocent look to your sexual vigara like effect look. Your body is gorgeous as well, though I would like to see more. I have a small latex fetish and girl you wear it well. Stay gorgeous.”

Fri Mar 20

sincere and trusted

Hello dear
How are you today, i hope that you are doing fine as i am feeling alright also,My name is, Miss Joy, I am very good looking and pretty girl,sincere and trusted, God fearing, Dear it was very great when i got your ads  profile and after going through it i feel a great joy in my heart writhing to  you  I am really  interested on you  profile despite that i have not seen you in person but your profiles really gave me a nice pleasure to communicate with you. and I hope you will be the true loving, honest and the one, And I have something special to tell you about me, So please contact me directly through my email address at   so that I can also know you. I will be waiting for your response,   Miss Joy

Sun Mar 8

your toes

ddo you like your toes sucked or licked i would like to make them feel better

Sat Feb 28

Red Dog Dick

This contribution is from fetish model Angela Ryan


—————————————— Original Message ——————————————
Subject: :: general comments
From:    XXXXXX
Date:    Fri, February 27, 2009 2:22 pm


Full Name : XXXXX
return address :XXXXXXX
date received : 2009-02-27 14:22:51
sender’s IP address :
subject : general comments
message : I'm a 40 yr.old bachelor
who is going to receive a
4 million dollar estate and i'm looking for a
dominant female to marry me for my money and cuckold me with more superior
Description : To brainwash me into a quick marriage, punish and ridicule
me,cuckold me with superior black
"BullStuds",Pimp me out
to keep me busy and make money for you!,train me to
mate with dogs to make dog
sex movies and anything else you can think of
Company Name : John McCague estate
Portfolio Website :
Phone Number : 239-985-9586
Location : Florida
Dates : ASAP for as long as you like
Compensation : beneficiary to a four million dollar estate
Travel Provided : yes
Makeup Provided : no
Hair Provided : no
Wardrobe Provided : no
Nudity : no
References : Master Lindsey and Mistress Pandora who I
served as money slave for nine yrs
Comments : I would love to slather my
tongue around a big stiff
slippery red dog dick for you soon!

Sat Jan 31

My Emotional Heat

This submission is from burlesque dancer Rose Darling


Hello how are you, I am stanley.. I appreciate decency and sincerity in a relationship between a man and a woman. The inner beauty is more important for me than the beauty of appearance. I wish to open a new world in the world of your soul. And if I understand you are the Only whom I am seeking, i share with you all your sorrows and joys, i will be your best friend and life partner . I like to travel very much. It is very interesting to get more knowledge about the new countries, new people and traditions. Its great to have such a possibility. I am a quiet, kind, loyal. A great meaning for me is a humans soul. Circle of my interests is various. I like the literature, music, and cinema. personality traits are; calm, honest, kind, loyal, flexible, elegant, sociable, sensitive, gentle, cheerful, optimistic, romantic . My perception of an ideal , I would like to see near me clever, intelligent, and reliable woman. Which would require my emotional heat, capable to like and respect the woman. I have to let you know as well, that am an honest person as i have said, and i have to be honest with that, and I am looking for a woman to spend the rest of my life with in any serious relationship. . I never speak negatively about people, I take less and listen more to people and does not jump into other peoples affairs. Im not one to go to a bar to look for someone. .Which leads me to this site. I thought it would be nice to just meet someone graet and get to know her. No strings at first and maybe down the line something could develop. , yet get me one on one with someone Im shy till I get to know them So I come here to start a conversation, email chat some years since I did anything like this and to be honest this seems safe. So I read a few profiles , I dont like the flirt button that just seems to impersonal. . Now I know that sounds hokey but its true. You are a very beautiful woman. The picture alone says strength, confidence, and poise. You know who you are and that is admirable. You have some of the prettiest eyes. . But you know what thats ok Im comfortable with who I am . People either accept me or they dont. I may not be a prince but I can be charming. I hope you find everything you are looking for because the person who finds you will get everything they are looking for…. I am a Nigeria with all sincereties.. tell you more maybe we can chat sometime or email me………… …. Though miles may lie between us, we’re never far apart, for friendship doesn’t count the miles, it’s measured by the heart ..dont forget to drop me a note there..